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Exile Hero
new novel by one of our members available at Amazon.

 
Posted:  22 Jul 2008 00:36
I have been reworking the story that I originally posted on here under the title Dragonseye: The Search. This one starts off completely different but I like this version better. THis is what I have so far. Dragon Mage is simply my new working title, I'm not sure what the title for the final product will be. Any criticism is welcome and appreciated.


As the war raged on into its third year, a young peasant farmer sighed and shook his head. Ladderick now works on a farm since his own land was destroyed by the war. In just days he learned how to use the scythe to harvest wheat and barley. The nobleman who owns the farm, Sir Thaddeus, took notice and promoted Ladderick to foreman. Now he oversees the other farmers and trains the new ones who flock to the farm on an almost daily basis looking for work and shelter.

After the blazing sun sets and the farmers can no longer toil in the fields, Ladderick slips out behind an outcropping of buildings near the forests edge and practices with his scythe. Every night he trains himself to use the farming tool as a weapon for self defense. Unsure of his own motives he believes that this skill will someday save his life. Ladderick strikes swiftly and decisively at a stack of rotten melons he’d gathered from the trash. The scythe slices through them effortlessly and the juicy insides are splattered against nearby trees.

The cries of soldiers fill the air with terror. The peasant farmers run for the safety of the servant’s quarters, while candles are lit in the manor as Sir Thaddeus steals a glance outside. Ladderick ducked behind the tool shed and gripped the handle of the scythe tighter for reassurance.

It is said that the Lich King’s forces are made up of dead that have risen from their graves at his command.  Ladderick never believed in such stories before this night. As the horsemen began to torch the buildings one of them threw back the hood of his dark cloak. His white skull gleamed in the moonlight and he gave a wicked skeleton faced grin to his comrades as he shouted orders.

Ladderick knew at once what he must do so under the cover of darkness he made his way closer to the group of horseback soldiers. Using his scythe he struck quickly cutting the tendons on the horse’s legs causing them to fall. The skeleton warriors tumbled off their steeds and jumped to their feet drawing swords and clubs as they did so.

The poor peasant farmer met them head on using his scythe to parry their weapons and cut their skulls from their spines. Then to his horror the horses sprung to their feet as if they had been healed. They charged across the fields snorting fire from their nostrils setting the entire crop ablaze. The skeletons themselves reached out with bony hands to retrieve their skulls and reattached them to their bodies as if they simply lost a helmet instead of their heads.

Ladderick took this as a sign he needed to find someplace to hide because he was in no position to take these guys out alone. He needed help preferably magical help. But there are no mages in this area of the kingdom; most of them were marching with the various legions trying to protect Aghramar from the Lich King. The peasant farmer made a break for the forest and continued to run, weaving his way in and out of trees and underbrush.

Deep inside the forest of Edgewood resides a mysterious race that keep mostly to their selves. Known as elves in the common tongue these Tre-drow are expert hunters and trackers. That is why it only took mere moments for Nymphidora to spot the intruder into their realm. Watching the young man through the scope of her long rifle she pondered his intentions. Was this man just lost or did he plan to attack the Tre-drow singlehandedly.

As she continued to follow his movements she heard shouting near the outskirts of the realm. Others were chasing the young man. That is why he invaded their land. Nymphidora scanned the tree line with her scope searching for the pursuers. What she saw shocked her. Undead troops had entered Edgewood! She hadn’t seen the Lich King’s forces for at least three hundred years. Was it possible he had regained his power?

The long rifle spat a silenced bullet encased with corrosive acid. It struck the lead warrior in the skull. The acid began to eat away at the bone until it had dissolved, then the acid continued down the body. In mere moments the entire warrior was gone leaving nothing behind. This caused his followers to stop and peer into the darkened forest with care. Even though they were dead the thought of ending up like their commander was not a pleasant one.

The second in charge sounded the retreat, deciding one human wasn’t worth their effort. After mounting their dark steeds all that could be heard was the galloping of horses heading off in the distance. Nymphidora turned her attention back to the human and saw that he had stopped seemingly amazed by his good fortune and exhausted from his ordeal.

Ladderick heard his pursuers retreat and he leaned against an old oak panting hard from his exertion. His legs gave way as the adrenaline left his body and he sank hard to the ground. The scythe fell from his fingers as he blacked out.

Several hours later Ladderick came too in a strange bed. The room he was in seemed to sway with the wind that blew outside. As he blinked to focus his eyes he noticed the woman standing over him was wearing a strange robe made of tree leaves. She held a bowl of some foul smelling liquid up to his face urging him to drink.

“Don’t be afraid of the smell, drink up” another woman who stayed in the shadows spoke up “it will make your head stop spinning and settle your stomach.”

“Who” he started to ask then he saw the pointed ears of the woman who had been nursing him “you’re elves!”

“In your tongue yes” Nymphidora said finally straying from the shadows “but we are actually Tre-drow. Now I must ask you, where did those undead come from?”

“Undead? Oh you mean the skeletons. They rode in from the east but everyone knows they come from the southlands which are under the control of the Lich King.”

“The Niharun marshlands” Nymphidora spat the name like it left a bad taste in her mouth “how long have they been riding against Aghramar?”

“About three years now I guess” Ladderick answered “you mean you didn’t know about the war?”

“Unfortunately no, we Tre-drow do not travel outside our own borders. We are no longer welcomed among you humans.”

“But I’ve seen elves before” Ladderick countered “what about them?”

“Tre-drow in looks only, they have been banished from Edgewood and are not considered to be of our kind any longer” she said, a tear sliding down her cheek.

“Enough of this you get some rest young one. I must gather the council and urge them to come together on a decision” Nymphidora said turning to leave, as she did so she grabbed the nurse by the arm “Joanne, do not under any circumstances let this human out of your sight.”
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Posted:  22 Jul 2008 14:54   Last Edited By: Tim
Interesting.

I'll be honest it's harder for me to comment on written stories than it is say movies. I guess movies play back in my mind more and allow me to think on them for a while.

That being said your stuff reads very professional. Very descriptive, and flows very well.
Posted:  30 Jul 2008 02:42   Last Edited By: new midnight avenger
That first part was the prologue. Here is chapter 1 though there isn't really any action in this one.


Whilst all of this was happening near the eastern border, the humans of Cymoril met in their own council. Lord Garret, acting king of Aghramar, stood before the congregation of humans, dwarves, barbarians, and sorcerers to deliver his speech.

“Fellow Cymorillians and allies we must determine a course of action before we are all overrun by the hordes of the Lich King. This death and destruction will not cease until we find a means to destroy him!”

“Sire, I believe there is a way” an aging sorcerer stood up from the wooden stool he had inhabited “if you recall legend tales of a weapon that could destroy the Lich King. It was used once before by an inexperienced soldier and therefore was not completely successful the first time.”

“How dare you speak of the Dragon’s Eye! We are all well aware that only one of the royal bloodline has the power required to use it! And unless you know something the rest of us don’t? There is no one left alive that fits that requirement.”

Zephyr chewed over the words of the steward and had to admit he was right but that didn’t stop him from voicing his plan “I believe, if given the opportunity, a council of magi could study the amulet and find away to harness its power without an heir.”

“Even if that were the case” a surly brown bearded dwarf butted in “we do not know where to find the Dragon’s Eye, nor do we have the resources to search for it.”

Prince Raynar of the barbarian “Tongu” tribe stood up to be heard next.
“I will take five of my best scouts and search this land from one side to the other if it will resolve this conflict all the more sooner. “

At this the members of the council began speaking out of turn until the entire hall was filled with men shouting to be heard above one another, some in favor of searching, others wholeheartedly against the idea. Lord Garret raised his hands for silence and the crowd quickly silenced their tongues.

“Noble friends we should not argue amongst ourselves. Take heart and heed my words. I propose we send a party in search of this amulet, but we will not solely rely on this. I will send the 8th Legion to head off the undead forces that come from the Niharun. I suggest that each of you send your own troops to protect the borders of Aghramar as well.”

“Who shall go on the search?” an elderly dwarf asked gruffly.

“At least one from each tribe I would think” Zephyr spoke up “and since it was my idea I will volunteer to represent the sorcerers.”

“And I the barbarians” Raynar added “with my scouts.”

“I will go” the brown bearded dwarf whose name was Gram, spoke up. He was dressed in a long cloak and kept his right arm mysteriously concealed from view.

Lord Garret nodded his head in approval “and the paladin, Sir Kane, will go in my stead to represent the citizens of Cymoril.”

With that he concluded the council and asked the members of the congregation to join him in for a feast in the great hall. The three volunteers and Lord Garret’s chosen emissary met in a corner of the hall out of earshot of the others.

“Okay old man where do you propose we look for this trinket?”

“Settle down good dwarf. The archives list three places where the amulet might have come to rest after Prince Birch attempted to use it against the Lich King. One account has the brave young prince seeking asylum with the Tre-drow after fleeing from pursuing undead forces. Though scholars discount this theory stating the prince would not have been able to reach the woodland kingdom. Another account states that the Arch-mage Traven, who created the amulet, spirited it away with magic to conceal it from the enemy by hiding it in the Razorback Mountains. The last account has it falling into the hands of the Lich King’s lieutenant, Lodar the Dreaded Knight and being taken into the heart of Niharun where it was locked away in the Lich King’s sarcophagus.”

“Which account are we to believe?” Raynar asked incredulously.

“All of them have merit” Zephyr answered “I suggest we start the search in Edgewood. If nothing else we may find allies amongst the Tre-drow. Then we search the Razorback. But at no time shall we go into the Lich King’s realm unless all else fails. It is simply too dangerous if it proves fruitless.”

“Do you really think you can utilize the weapon if it is found?” asked Sir Kane who up until now remained silent and impassive.

“What other choice to we have” was the only answer Zephyr would give.

With that the four retired to their rooms to wait the coming of dawn when they would set off on their journey eastward to the forest realm of Edgewood.
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Posted:  30 Jul 2008 04:15
i thought it was good. I especially liked the part where you described the boy practicing with the scythe. Also, i think you did well in developing your world.
Posted:  01 Aug 2008 01:05   Last Edited By: new midnight avenger
Thanks It's nice to know someone else reads my stuff besides just Tim.

And definitely thanks to Tim for checking out my stuff. If not for your acknowledgement I probably wouldn't have wrote as much as I have. I know you've been waiting on the next DOJ issue but I've been pretty busy with work. And this story is just kind of stuck in my head so I'm working on it when I get downtime.

I plan on posting the next issue of DOJ by the end of August if things go as planned.
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