| Posted: 27 Sep 2007 22:36 Last Edited By: General Mannino |
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Hey guys! I have been posting earlier about my movie trilogy the Mannino Infantry and now I am going to post the official summary!
In the future an alien named Marine Mannino joins the Space Marine Corps which is the Marine Corps that operates in space, on starships, and on other planets. It was created by the humans of planet Earth, the main countries that created it were the USA, Russia, Germany, and Italy. He became the best Marine ever and was promoted to General very quickly. He and the Marine Corps is serving as God's Marine Corps in order to destroy the Devil's Army. His origin is that he came from planet M which is a world covered in water and has a very organized Military, the Military consisted of only a Marine Corps and Fleet because there is no land and only water, the Marine Corps is the planet's official Assault Force and goes to war to fight enemies, the Marines use weapons such as guns and hand-to-hand combat, the Fleet only attacks the enemy's ships with their ships. The planet M worships a God named Marine Mannino who teams up with the God of the Catholic people of planet Earth in order to fight evil demons. Marine Mannino was named after his God and his planet's Marine Corps.
So what do you guys think?
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| Posted: 27 Sep 2007 23:14 Last Edited By: Lectrohm |
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I think it needs to be read over by an editor. Just incase you ask me, I took out unnecessary items:
In the future an alien named (Different Name) joins the Space Marine Corps, created by the humans of planet Earth. He became the best marine ever and was promoted to General very quickly. He and the Marine Corps work together in order to destroy the Devil's Army. His origin is that he came from the planet (New Planet Name) a world covered with water (Add more about the world's culture here). The Marine Corps is the planet's trained professional form of self defense against outside predators with conventional weaponary and fightning experience. The planet (The New Name) has only one religon in which they worship a God named (New Name of the God) with the God of the Catholic people of planet Earth under which the two races fight together against the demons. (Insert a attention getter for your story)
Religion is VERY tricky concept to depict in comics without offending any readers. My advice? Take religion out of it until you become a much better writer. Not even I am going to add Religion in Road of Lightning.
Pick a new name for each thing, Marine is from the latin word mare meaning "Sea". So I see where you got the idea but an group of people who you self defense to protect a nation at sea is called the Navy. Use a different word, don't use the same word. As everyone will agree, it get's really boring, really fast.
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 00:58 |
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I might keep religion since it is a big part of my life, that's just a draft, I'll edit it if needed after I show it to my Grandfather, until then please do not post about this any more, you have posted enough and I have told you many times to stop but you don't, please just let other people post and see what they think about it, I'll tell you again, please STOP.
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 01:19 Last Edited By: Lectrohm |
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You asked for my advice! Is this what I get for helping? What do you have against me?
Everyone? Remember this. 
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 01:22 Last Edited By: General Mannino |
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I asked for your advice on my website NOT my story.
        
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 01:22 Last Edited By: Lectrohm |
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Quote:
So what do you guys think?
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 01:29 |
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I just re-read your post. You said in the first one: Quote:
and now I am going to post the official summary!
but then you post:
Quote:
that's just a draft, I'll edit it if needed
You don't make sense!
You also said I posted enough, I had only posted once!
Does anyone else see this? Please say so
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 01:32 |
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Just leave me alone please and let other people see my creation.
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 01:33 Last Edited By: Lectrohm |
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[message has been deleted by poster]
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 01:35 |
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Tim please delete these posts.
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 01:40 |
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If you can't take constructive criticisim, don't ask for it. Filmakers, writers, producers, everyone in the entertainment buisness takes it by the truckload, far more destructivley then what I do. You should learn it and use it.
I want you to do the same thing to me about my story.
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 01:48 |
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I have criticized you about your story once, and that is that there are too many Superheroes with electric Superpowers and also you still couldn't have the name Lectrohm if you were to get it published because it is too close to the name Ohm and Lectrohm's nickname is Ohm which would be considered copyright of Marvel Comics, also try to create a Superhero more interesting like Tim's for example, there aren't very many Superheroes with time travel abilities, so that makes Time-Rider more interesting, do you see what I am saying.
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 01:58 Last Edited By: Lectrohm |
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ARRGH.
Not "criticisim".
"Constructive criticism" This I WANT you to do, as I do to you.
I hate to down on your parade, But Tim's character Time-Rider is close to another superhero Time Rider. and there's less a of a difference there than there is in mine. (No offense Tim, the story does rock, that we can agree on.)
Quote:
also try to create a Superhero more interesting like Tim's for example
Good start but you haven't quite got the effect of what constructive criticism. It's not supposed to be criticism, it's supposed to be constructive. You help a person through it, not tell them to be better. Also, there are many time-traveler's out there, Hiro Nakamura, Time Tunnel series, Gog, from the superman comics, and many more
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 14:49 |
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Quote:
Tim's character Time-Rider is close to another superhero Time Rider. Are you talking about the old movie in the 80's where a dude is on a motorcycle and ends up in the west?
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 19:26 |
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Tim's good. 
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| Posted: 28 Sep 2007 21:52 Last Edited By: General Mannino |
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Lectrohm, it's always something with you always having to prove me wrong, until you can stop ruining my chance to let people know about my creations please do not post on my topics that are meant for letting people know of my creations, I do not think that you would want me posting things on your topics that could stop people from liking it so please stop doing it to me.
Tim please delete these posts but keep the topic.
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| Posted: 29 Sep 2007 00:10 |
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Has it ever occured to you that the people on this site don't read your story because you are unwilling to accept help?
--not to mention the fact that you have no story...but that's besides the point isn't it?
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| Posted: 29 Sep 2007 23:08 Last Edited By: General Mannino |
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Just please leave me alone, NEVER contact me again.
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Superhero Collectibles
Green Hornet
Supergirl
Thor
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